Annie Thompson Starting Over
by Princess Alexandria
Summary: Annie's Poetry Journal - A companion piece to Not Myself.
1. Default Chapter

Poetry Journal

A companion to Not Myself

By Princess Alexandria

Well, I guess I should say something about what happened.  I lost my old journal.  All of my old journals, when Daddy kicked me out.  Christy bought me a new one.  I can't believe what's happened.  I still wake up and expect it to be a dream, but it isn't.  I'm a mutant and now I might as well be an orphan.  Why would he do this to me?

Well, I just thought I should explain why I have this new journal.  Christy, Ms. Taylor took me in.  I still can't believe my old computer teacher would do that.  Her house is huge and she'd been living in it all alone.  I even have my own bathroom.  Things could have been worse.

Kermit had it right.  It ain't easy being green.  How am I supposed to go to school now?  I can't even go to the store without people staring.

I guess that's enough intro.  I'll start writing poetry again, but I'm not in the mood now.  Maybe tomorrow.

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Author's Note:  This will be a collection of Poetry by Annie Thompson from Not Myself.  It can be read alone, but makes more sense if you've read the story it's based on.


	2. Found

Found

Beaten, Broken, Bent.

I was tossed away as garbage. 

I hid among the shadows for fear of pain and retribution for being born.

Alone, Adrift.  

I sailed through the town of my youth where none recognized but what I'd become.

I was no one's lover, no one's daughter, no one's friend.

It took but a moment, a mistake, a miracle and I fell upon my salvation.

She was alone, adrift and yet not broken.


	3. My Mask

My Mask

The mirror I stare at no longer shows me.  

Glimpses from afar make me think of a stranger.

If I look really hard will I see the child I used to be?

Eyes that look so tired and worn stare back at me.

Even my reflection isn't seeing me.

Where have I gone and who is that woman that I see?

In my hand I hold a mask of who I used to be.

I wear it whenever I wish I could just be me.


	4. Comments about the Move

Well, I did it.  I went home and took my stuff.  I'm glad I managed to do it without crying.

Daddy came home before we could leave and I thought for sure he'd hit me.  He'd never hit me before, never yelled at me like he did after I turned green.   It was like he wasn't even the same man.  If Christy hadn't been there I think he would have hit me.  I really do.

Christy was so… I don't know.  It was like she was larger than life even though she was so small compared to my dad.  She would have hit him.  She wouldn't have let him hurt me, I just know it.  I'm so glad she was with me.  I couldn't do this alone.  She even said I could stay with her as long as I want and gave me a job.

She also gave me this inducer thing so that I look normal, but she acts like I'm prettier without it, but not in a sleazy way.  She's never hit on me or anything.

I'm gonna go get something to eat.  I wasn't hungry earlier, but I feel a little better now.  Then maybe I'll set up my computer.  


	5. boredom sets in

Oh man I am so bored nothing sounds like fun.  Christy leaves for work early and gets home around dinner time.  We live too far away from the bus lines and I'm stuck here.  I've read the manual that comes with my Image Inducer so many times I might actually be able to build one from scratch if I had the parts.  I've browsed the Internet so much I think I saw everything remotely interesting out there.  

I started doing research for Christy just for something to do.  I look up information on mutations.  Maybe I'll figure out mine.  Aside from the green skin I can't do anything cool.  It's like I get all the drawbacks of looking like a mutant without any of the coolness.  It's not fair.

Never tell Christy anything is not fair.  When I told her that about my mutation I swear I pissed her off.  If I'd blinked I wouldn't have caught it though.  She just told me life wasn't fair, nothing was fair… but you just do what you have to and deal with it.  She didn't yell, she didn't scream.  She didn't even sound particularly mean, but I don't think I'll say that again.  Not out loud.

Even so she took me to the movies just a little after that, bought me lots of popcorn, and let me pick which one.  She said she wanted to be fair about it, she'd picked the last one.  The way she'd said fair made me think that conversation was still going on in her mind.  Something is really bothering her.  I don't think she'll ever tell me what.

Well, that's enough of the mystery that is Christy.  I'm still bored.  I actually watched some lame Soap Operas today because there is nothing on TV in the middle of the day.  Their problems are so contrived, so fake.  Like anyone has that much bad luck, even I don't.  And hello, it makes it seem like everyone cheats on their lovers.

So without any more delay… Here is my Poem, Soap Opera Number 5

As angry as a volcano her 

Face darkened to red hot lava.

Her eyes glared fire as he stumbled

Through the door smelling of liquor and perfume.

His heart stalled like an old car, sputtering

A moment in shock before finally racing.

His face became pale like snow, pale in the moonlight

Spilling through the door

"Honey, you're home."

And as an encore, The Lazy Slacker

Like a drop of rain he moved through life letting

The wind dictates his course.

He never worked harder or longer than any other.

He followed the paths made for him, making none of his own.

Making no impact as part of the sea of

Aimless wanderers.  And now no one remembers

Naught of what he did as he evaporates with the sun.

I'm starting to feel like a lazy slacker.  Thank god school is starting soon.  I'd rather spend all day trapped at school than here.  At least at school I'll have homework, work… stuff to do.

Finally, it looks like Christy's back.  


	6. Bird

Bird

Fists clench so tightly the knuckles turn to white

he stared and his eyes felt like an attack.

Jaw clenched tightly, back rigid, skin flushed red

he turned away from me.  He turned away.

"Get Out." Growled out between thin lips.  "Get Out."

Get out to where?  Where could I go?  I had

nothing, no money just the clothes I wore.

The slamming of his fist into the wall,

the shaking of the window, the echo

of the impact.  "Get Out."  I got out fast.

Alone I walked along the run down street

of my home.  Or it was my home.  Not now.

Where was I supposed to go now?  Birds chirped

It was still early, still morning and that

didn't feel right.  It should be dark, it should

be gloomy.  The sun shouldn't be shining.

Shoving hands into pockets and keeping 

my head down, hoping no one would notice 

me, or my tears.  I had nowhere to go.  

Dragging feet I moved toward nowhere slowly.  

The crows circled me as I walked, cawing 

and waiting for me to just give up so 

they could have their fill of me.  Scavengers 

turned to patient hunters.  Did I reek of 

death?  My soul felt dead, but my body moved on.  

I stared with bitterness at my new flock.

They bobbed and weaved among the phone wires, moved 

from fence post to fence post, with little care as 

I slowly made my way away from there

They would have to wait, I was not dead yet.


	7. Changes

Changes

It was a normal day, a little gray and slightly cool

Nothing unusual happened on that early fall day, nothing really at all

We laid on the couch eating popcorn and watching tv

She smiled at me and stole the bowl I'd been holding

She plucked my popcorn out of MY bowl and opened her mouth to swallow it down

It was a normal day, but as I stared at her I felt things begin to change.

We were shopping again, seeing if there was anything interesting to eat

The aisles were crowded, it seemed like we had to move at a crawl.

Picking up popcorn, and soda, pizza, and eggs, newspapers, oranges, many other things

The last aisle I remember clearly was less crowded and she stood staring at the box on the wall

Before turning to me with a question in her eyes.  Eyes that seemed so gentle in that moment

It was a normal day, but as I stared at her I felt things begin to change.

I walked into the office, nervously watching the busy receptionist and waiting to be noticed

It was my first job and when the woman sent me back to see her, her smile broke through my fear

Her voice was soft and reassuring as she explained what I had to do.

Her smile welcoming as she handed me the tools of my new trade and 

She walked next to me on our way to work, chatting as if we'd been equals forever

It was a normal day, but as I stared at her I felt things begin to change.

She listened to me excitedly tell her about my day, smiling and nodding at all the right places

I told her about the people I'd met and how it made me feel to have new friends

I talked about the embarrassing meeting and the misunderstandings that lead me to them

And she just smiled in all the right places, letting me talk as long as I wanted to

Instead of telling me that it was nice and moving on to something else, she really wanted to hear 

It was a normal day, but as I stared at her I felt things begin to change.

I came into the office nearly in tears after my last class, where they debated about

My right to exist even though they never realized someone like me was in the room.

She took one look at me and didn't say a word.  She got up closed the door and pulled me close.

She held me as I struggled to release my pain at a world so unfair

And in her arms I started to feel safe, as her warmth held me and burned away the cold I'd felt before

It was a normal day, but as I stared at her I felt things begin to change.

We'd stayed up late watching tv and I didn't feel awake enough to move from my space on the couch

I felt the lazy warm feeling of lounging around, but her movement brought me back to some awareness

As she moved to the hall and quietly opened the closet I cracked my eye open to watch as she searched

For the large fluffy blanket I'd once told her was my favorite and the wind caressed me as she covered me

I stayed quiet and unmoving and she didn't see me watching her stare at me looking so thoughtful

It was a normal day, but as I stared at her I felt things begin to change.

It seemed to happen so slowly but I can remember each step of the way.  In a series of normal, ordinary days,

I watched her, stared at her and felt it all change.  Felt myself change, and I don't want to go back.

Because her smile, her laugh, her tender eyes and kind actions have shown me what it is to love.


	8. Hidden Parts of Me

Hidden Parts of Me

I thought I knew myself

that I recognized my hopes and dreams,

but there appears to have been another book on the shelf

of me, filled with new thoughts and emotions it seems.

A change of scenery and circumstance

brought this dusty tome to the light;

an encounter, brought by chance,

found me feeling new things that just felt right.

I have a million questions about my new book.

Its partly written in a language I don't understand.

I've spent countless hours studying in a quiet nook

of my mind, but still those thoughts make me feel like a fish on land

I could use a tutor, or a guide

to help me clarify this mask,

but the only one that's on my side

is the only one I just can't ask.

She shown the light upon this corner of my mind.

She gave me the ability to recognize

the book that I had kept to my eyes blind,

but I pull this book from the shelf now as if it were a precious prize.

I understand but merely half

of what I see.

It makes me smile and want to laugh

at having found this part of me.


	9. Am I?

I think, no…  I know I love her.  At first I thought it was just like friends, that it was normal… or at least not gay.  How do you know if you're gay?  Does being attracted to one woman make you gay?

I love Christy, I feel my heart pound when she laughs.  When she sits down and just talks with me I feel like…

This is love.  I heard about it on T.V. and used to think people were acting like idiots.  It didn't make sense how one person could become the center of your world.  How could one person's voice make it a good day no matter how crappy the day really was?

I caught myself actually staring at her lips last week.  Staring and wishing she'd just lean forward a little more so that they were in reach.  We were talking about something, but to be honest I wasn't able to follow what she was saying at all.  All I could do was imagine how good it would feel to kiss her.  I blame my dreams.  They've been so intense lately that it's hard to ignore it and pretend like everything is normal.

She's just so strong, so caring… so perfect.  It isn't fair that she's also so out of my reach and even if she weren't I wouldn't know what to do.

I'm in love… and it's not the wonderful hopeful feeling everyone says it is.  I wish it would just go away.


End file.
